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After a Long While

After a long while, I will write about cancer which affects the lives of many people recently. Last week, we, a dozen strangers met at a friend’s house. It was interesting that more than half had lost a loved one to cancer.

How do we cope with this process? What to do if we have to face it? Naturally, I hope no one has to go through this.

How much of this does our nervous system handle? What part do we reject? On this occasion, I will share what I have lived through when I lost my mother, in the hope to provide some answers.

My mother fought cancer for about four years. Afterward, she must have given up, as we lost her. In life sometimes loved ones want to depart, which is hard on us. I realized later that I never accepted the disease. I never accepted the fact that this magnificent woman withered right in front of my eyes, and somehow, subconsciously, I did not make it to the funeral. During my self-reckoning, I knew my mother would depart. I did feel it on that day. I called my close friend Çiğdem many times and told her, “my mother did not look well.” As I was leaving her, I said, “Mom, I will be back Monday,” yet we both knew that Monday would never come.

So, why did I leave then? I left because my body and my nervous system would not support it. On a similar note, one person from last week’s group said, “while my father was in his deathbed, my mother was always shopping.” In fact, I was avoiding seeing and hearing the truth. At the time, I did not understand my father either. It must have
been too much for his nerves, as he avoided being home and was constantly busy.

I am sharing my thoughts because this is valuable for me. Another reason is to provide answers as to what can be done through all this.

As a family we had to deal with this all alone. There was no elder to guide us through.
We did not receive therapy either. Each individual lived through their own grief and tried
to cope as best as they could.

We indeed managed to. Of course, we received help afterwards. This is why I have changed the course of my life today and became interested in meditation, family constellation, and breathing. As I said in that meeting and as I always say, both the patient and family must receive support during all this, because this is a tall order.
Naturally, every individual has a different nervous system, hence an event that traumatizes one may have no effect on another. However, consulting an expert is quite valuable for learning how we can support ourselves and how we can cope with this process.

What kind of help can we get?

  • Psychologist Support
  • Breathing Therapy
  • Meditation Counseling
  • Art Therapy
  • Family Constellation

In addition, physical activities such as long walks, running in nature, dancing, swimming,
cycling, horse riding, spending time with animals and nature or other enjoyable activities
can also be quite beneficial.

With love,
Salima Reyhan